A Third Note on Grief

If Jesus keeps his promises to us, we will have many more people to love ­­– and lose.

Jesus promised us that in his church, we would gain many new mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers (Mark 10:29-31; cf. 1 Timothy 5:1-2). One of the surest ways we know Jesus is keeping his word to us is by the many people he gives us to love and be loved by.

Dan Hackenberg and Randy Newman were two such men.

Dan Hackenberg was an elder at our previous church, Shady Grove Presbyterian Church in Derwood, MD. We first met Dan and his wife, Kathy, in 2017 when I became the assistant pastor at Shady Grove. Immediately, we were drawn to Dan and Kathy’s love for each other and their friends. Although they were old enough to be our parents, they showed us the same love we saw evident in their decades-long relationships with others in the church.

Over time, our love and relationship with Dan and Kathy deepened. We experienced in an authentic way what Jesus promised; we really loved Dan and Kathy, and they loved us. As an elder, Dan was always enthusiastic about the ministry we were doing in the church. When we hosted Beautiful Eulogy (a Christian hip-hop group) at Shady Grove, Dan and Kathy were there with a crowd nearly forty years younger than them. When we launched a new direction for the church’s community groups, Dan and Kathy left the group they had been members of for many years to add stability to this new ministry effort. Dan and Kathy were always there when we needed wise counselors.

When my wife needed help installing baby gates, Dan was the one she called. Dan and Kathy rushed to show us support when we fundraised for church planting. I remember Dan telling me how much they would generously give us before I even asked. In fact, Dan’s last action as an elder before he retired was to make his case for the church to support us generously.

In their retirement, Dan and Kathy visited us several times while they traveled to see their kids and grandkids. Their most recent visit was in February. What I remember most about our time with Dan and Kathy was how quickly Dan would end up playing with our kids on the floor. I can still hear Dan telling us, “We love you guys!” as we left their company.

Not only did Dan model for me what it looks like to love others like Jesus, but he helped me experience the love that Jesus has for me. I’ve never met a kinder, more compassionate man than Dan.

Randy Newman was another father in the faith that Jesus graciously gave to me. Randy, an accomplished author and Senior Fellow at the C.S. Lewis Institute was also my evangelism professor at Reformed Theological Seminary. From day one, I was drawn to his unique personality and perspective on evangelism. It was his ministry to me that forced me out of my own head and propelled me out into the work of evangelism.

I soon joined two atheist groups in the DC area; they were places that allowed my gifts and temperament to flourish in the work of evangelism. This ministry sparked Randy’s curiosity, and we soon formed a deep friendship. While I was still in the DC area, Randy and I would meet nearly every month to discuss new insights into evangelism, Tim Keller, what I was learning in my ministry, and whatever wisdom I could absorb from him. After moving to Indianapolis, Randy and I still spoke frequently by phone. Most recently, we planned a potential time for him to visit in the fall after he did some teaching in Chicago.

Anyone who knew Randy enjoyed his wonderful sense of humor. I still chuckle when I think about his response when I asked him for a recommendation for my fundraising packet. He wrote back:

Option 1: Ben, Ben, he’s our man. If he can’t do it….well, God’s kingdom is going to advance so…quit stressing so much. 

Option 2: As an old geezer who almost just died, I find it very encouraging that there are godly men on the planet who are younger than I am. 

Option 3: I am so encouraged by the discipleship relationship God has forged between Ben Hein and myself. I’m the older “discipler” but I’ve learned just as much from Ben as I hope he has learned from me. Specifically, I am so impressed for his love for people outside the church. His patient evangelistic zeal impresses and emboldens me. 

Randy always believed in me and my ministry. We kept up frequent meetings and correspondence, and he gave me ministry opportunities as he was able. He gave me my first opportunity to write for a platform outside my own website. He asked me to come on his podcast, following behind heavy hitters like Rico Tice and Rebecca McLaughlin. I was honored when he mentioned our friendship in the acknowledgments to his book, Mere Evangelism.

Randy taught me how to hold on to Jesus with joy despite life’s trials and disappointments.

Dan and Randy were two friends and fathers Jesus gave me to love and be loved by. Both Dan and Randy recently and unexpectedly passed away.

If Jesus keeps his promises to us, we will have many more people to love ­­– and lose. Our grief, as painful as it is, can be a witness to our promise-keeping Savior. Although I mourn their loss through tears and heartache, I also thank Jesus for the amazing gifts he gave me in Dan and Randy. Without Jesus, I never would have known their love.

Perhaps this is what it means when we’re told not to grieve the passing of saints “without hope.” As hard as it is to lose our family in the faith when they pass, their love is a testimony to the promises of Jesus. If he has kept these promises, will he not also keep his word to come back for us and make all things new? Will he not also keep his promise to unite us again with those we have loved and lost? (1 Thessalonians 5:13-18)

Of course he will.