The Importance of Self-Awareness in Ministry
Without vulnerability, honesty, and dependence on Jesus, we are a danger to ourselves and others.
This essay is the second in a new series where I am exploring how churches can develop new ministry forms and expressions to reach forgotten and marginalized communities. You can find the series introduction here.
One of my favorite memes is the “Men would rather ____ than go to therapy.” In this cultural moment, where men, in particular, are struggling to find their way, this meme effectively uses humor to highlight a significant, systemic, and problematic issue. Some of these memes are fairly lighthearted: “Men would rather learn everything about ancient Rome than go to therapy.” Or, “Men would rather wait outside the city gates all night in a wooden horse than go to therapy.”
Within Christian ministry circles, this meme can take on a more serious tone. It is often said that “men would rather go to seminary than go to therapy,” or “men would rather start a church than go to therapy.” You get the idea. Evangelicalism, in its over-emphasis on young, charismatic, male talent, tends to overlook the basic biblical requirements of sound character and emotional maturity in its leaders (see 1 Timothy 3, for example). In a society that has failed to help men find purpose or learn to be vulnerable, many Christian men see ministry as an easy way to create a purposeful life while suppressing their emotional, spiritual, and relational needs.
Yet attempting to serve others without self-awareness comes at a great cost, both to the servant and those being served.
A lack of self-awareness is not exclusive to men, of course. Consider Brené Brown’s work, as she is one of the most prolific authors who has helped many women and men develop healthy self-awareness in their personal lives, relationships, and leadership roles. In her excellent book Daring to Lead, Brown states that one of the greatest obstacles to healthy leadership is a lack of self-awareness. “The real barrier to daring leadership is our armor—the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that we use to protect ourselves when we aren’t willing and able to rumble with vulnerability.”1 Until we learn to embrace vulnerability and become more aware of our thoughts, motives, and behaviors, we pose a danger to ourselves and those we lead.
This is a lesson that everyone serving in ministry needs to learn, whether as volunteers in the congregation or as leaders in roles such as elders, deacons, and directors. Every Christian who desires to serve others in healthy, life-giving ways must learn to be vulnerable and practice self-awareness.
When we lack self-awareness, we remain blind to how we interact with others in unhealthy or even destructive ways. We don’t realize why we become impatient and demanding—we may not even recognize these behaviors in ourselves. Unresolved trauma shows itself in our reactive words and actions. We’re insecure, so we blame others and defend ourselves with cynicism.
Healthy self-awareness is even more essential for effective multicultural urban ministry. As missiologists Harvie Conn and Manuel Ortiz identified, when we are unaware of our own cultural perspectives and prejudices, we cannot be genuinely shaped by other cultures in our neighborhood. Instead, we tend to try to transform the diverse urban community into a culture that mirrors our own. This is especially true of White middle-class Christians moving into underserved urban neighborhoods. We naturally impose our culture and will on others, which suppresses cultural differences and hinders true multicultural relationships.2
The dangers of such a situation should be immediately apparent. Urban ministry leaders need to regularly perform thorough self-analysis to determine if their values and behaviors are evolving. If they are not, it’s likely they are blind to their harmful relational patterns. As my doctoral advisor, Soong-Chan Rah, has said, when they lack awareness and rigorous analysis, urban missionaries are often little more than urban colonizers.3
An Example From a Sad Pastor
Abraham Kuyper’s inaugural sermon as pastor in Amsterdam, which inspires this series, is a great example of a self-aware pastor who can recognize his actions and the emotions behind them. Rooted and Grounded, before it is a theological or missiological work, is the product of a sad pastor who left behind people he loved and needed time before he could fully embrace a new congregation.
Consider these words from the opening paragraph of Kuyper’s sermon:
Accept then my testimony that I come to you with a full heart… I ask only this: Do not require that I already now celebrate in a happy mood that bond with your congregation. At the moment such happiness is impossible for me, since the farewell to so many longtime friends has only just faded from my lips. Were I able to rejoice already now, then either my testimony of pain to them or my display of joy to you would have to be mere pretense, betraying a shallow heart in which pain and joy could displace each other so quickly. For that reason, no matter how warmly I thank you for the love with which you have already greeted me, no matter how much within your congregation appeals to me, let the requirement of the heart, I pray of you, run its course for the present; bear with me as I accept my ministry in your midst with sedate sobriety and quiet gravity.4
The longer I meditate on this sermon introduction, the more I am deeply moved. I don’t know about you, reader, but I’m not accustomed to a pastor so willing to lead with his heart on his sleeve.
This sad pastor is a great example to us of the benefits of being vulnerable and self-aware. There is little doubt that Kuyper had a mission in Amsterdam. He was determined to challenge the Dutch Reformed Church’s complacency and cultural captivity. Rooted and Grounded, as we will see in future essays, is a masterful vision for any church that wants to bring the kingdom of God to bear.
Yet rather than rushing right into the doing of ministry, Kuyper shared his heart with those he was called to serve. He named his own emotions, which for him amounted to a broken heart. He clearly communicated to his new congregation that he would need some time and distance as his heart healed. He set realistic expectations on the church and on himself. In his willingness to be vulnerable and self-aware, Kuyper likely avoided a significant amount of relational damage that he could’ve otherwise caused.
We can love others well when we are willing to be vulnerable and self-aware.
Six Kinds of Self-Awareness
Mark Clark Moschella’s Ethnography as a Pastoral Practice has been an extremely helpful resource for learning how to conduct meaningful social and historical analysis of my community. Central to this ethnographic work, Moschella states, is the process of self-analysis, which she calls reflexivity. Reflexive analysis helps us become aware not only of our motives, emotions, and behaviors but also of our influence and the power dynamics within relationships.5
In addition to the dangers I mentioned above, Moschella helps us see how the strength of a community’s formation depends on the self-awareness of its leaders. “Real communities” form when people realize that they are “free to be themselves and know that they will be accepted, a place where conflict can be expressed and resolved, and a place where diversity of opinion is honored.” By contrast, a “pseudo-community” might “seem friendly at first, but it is not a safe place in which to express an opinion that diverges from the group’s ideas—you will be made to feel you don’t fit in, that there is no room for you here.”6
Church planters and planting groups should pay close attention here. Your willingness to be vulnerable and self-aware now will decide whether your church becomes more like a “real community” or a “pseudo-community.”
From my experience, there are at least six ways Christians need to develop their self-awareness to become healthy church members and ministry servants.
Personality Awareness
At a fundamental level, we should cultivate a healthy awareness of our personality traits, strengths, behaviors, and limitations. This awareness enables us to practice genuine humility, where we can honestly acknowledge who we are with others without pretense or apology.
The two resources that have been most personally edifying to me are the StrengthsFinder Test and the Enneagram. There are many others. Follow my friend James Lansberry, who often discusses the benefits of these tools.
Cultural Awareness
Until we recognize how our culture has shaped us, we cannot distinguish between universal truths and cultural preferences. In ministry settings, this also increases the risk of confusing culture with objective biblical teaching, thereby maintaining the status quo of the majority culture and undervaluing minority cultures.
Without cultural awareness, we won’t be able to truly appreciate and embrace the God-given beauty found in different cultures. Those from predominantly White evangelical and mainline traditions have a lot of work to do here. You likely underestimate how much your views are shaped more by cultural preferences than by Christian doctrine.
I truly benefited from taking the Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI) and reviewing my results with a cultural coach. I highly recommend both the IDI and cross-cultural coaching to anyone serious about urban ministry. You can learn more about the IDI and how to find a coach here.
Emotional Awareness
Until a few years ago, I only had five or six colors in my metaphorical Crayola box of emotions. I was unaware of how my unhealed trauma from my childhood was still affecting my emotional health and my relationships with others. I was reactive in my anxiety, but I never understood why.
Years of therapy have helped me recognize and name my emotions with others. I not only know when I am anxious or sad, but why. I am a better husband, father, and pastor because therapy has increased my emotional awareness. I still have a lot of room to grow.
My only regret is that I didn’t start therapy sooner.
Spiritual Awareness
Does your life demonstrate dependence on Jesus? He teaches us that apart from him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). The most “impressive” ministry is nothing if it’s not rooted in a desperate dependence on Jesus. True spiritual awareness acknowledges that we need Jesus in everything.
Two resources that I have found helpful for deepening my dependence on Jesus in my life are Ruth Haley Barton’s Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership and Rich Villodas’ The Deeply Formed Life.
Institutional Awareness
Institutions, like our denominations or church networks, are not neutral. They have a culture and they reinforce that culture within their own ranks. Why haven’t evangelical denominations, including my own (the PCA), made significant progress in marginalized communities? This is not primarily a theological or methodological issue but a cultural one. White, middle-class institutions have a culture that pushes away the diverse populations of urban communities.7
Healthy institutions and their members are aware of their institutional cultures and narratives. They are honest about their strengths and weaknesses, and they will welcome critical reflection and disagreement.
Urban missionaries will need to learn how to be honest about their institutional baggage without bringing it with them into the neighborhood.
White Presbyterians and Anti-Black Racism
The truth is this: White Presbyterians have been some of the most ardent proponents of anti-Black racism in our country’s history. The PCA was born out of the support of many church leaders who actively upheld racist ideas and structures.
Prejudice Awareness
No one wants to admit that they have sinful prejudices and stereotypes in their heart, but we all have them. Many of us are unaware of how deeply ingrained our prejudices are because we’ve only chosen to live next to those who make us comfortable. Until we move toward people with whom we have significant differences, we will never discover those darker places of our hearts where we still need the Spirit to conform us more into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).
I could recommend a hundred books here, but none will be as helpful as the Spirit’s illuminating work as we practice vulnerability before God. Perhaps this is why Calvin famously started his Institutes with the statement that there can be no knowledge of the self without knowledge of God, and there can be no knowledge of God without knowledge of the self (1.1.1-2). Only with God’s help can we develop the awareness to love like Christ and serve in His name (John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:10-12).
Brené Brown, Daring to Lead, 12.
Harvie Conn and Manuel Ortiz, Urban Ministry, 388.
Soong-Chan Rah, “Foreword” in David P. Leong, Race and Place, 10.
Abraham Kuyper, “Rooted and Grounded” in On the Church, 47.
Mary Clark Moschella, Ethnography as a Pastoral Practice, 35-37.
Moschella, 41.
Conn and Ortiz, 382.