This essay came in at the right time. I am in a very lonely space as I have moved internationally. You are giving me good pointers in this essay to embrace loneliness, and to start the slow work of relationship building. It is extremely disorienting. But it is a great opportunity that can be easily missed.
Joel, thank you for this honest comment. I’ve thought about you often in the last two weeks. While I don’t know you super well, I know enough to understand that your transition to GR must feel terribly isolating. In his essay, Lee first reasons from advice missionaries overseas have had to learn: you need to embrace shock and fully immerse yourself into the new culture, rather than slowing transitioning while relying on old structures of support. Sometimes we can do this by choice, other times we are forced to. Either way, I know you’re in for a painful season. I hope we will be able to connect in person at some point, but I’d be happy to connect virtually first this summer. Let me know.
Appreciate your perspective! To be wholehearted in places of need is both lifegiving and deeply draining, and being proximate to people in pain gives you little room for the "carefree" escapism that so many of us live.
i remember going to prayer groups where the woman I was praying with was worried about her husband not getting into a crossfit group; mine was in a psych ward. I have also struggled with the wonderful and worthy "clean" product movements that seem to sweep through churches. While being healthy is good and removing toxins is a privilege that has its benefits, the emphasis on these lifestyles feels absolutely unrelatable for most people in the world. I had to leave a toxin party once when I considered the necessity of pumping my brain damaged husband full of seizure meds just to live through a day. These cultural mismatches that you are intentionally stepping away from will reap loneliness but also I'm sure a relatability and safety for your new community. Bearing witness to the broken and forgotten places will bring a sacrificial heaviness. Grateful for your willingness to be there in the midst. Praying for light hearts and great moments of family Joy.
Wow. If I understand your use of “toxin party” correctly, that’s such a vivid description for that dynamic in churches. That must have felt so painful and isolating to experience that disconnect.
In my commenting haste, I forgot that essential prefix for creating clarity. It was more of a "de-tox party"!! Where women gather and learn about the poisons in our lotions, soaps etc which is lovely & valid (I sounded too critical) but it just was sharp contrast to the powerlessness of need & the futility of wellness in the world of catastrophic illness.
I have lived in and served urban, inner city communities for over 10+ years now. Embracing loneliness is crucial. Often, it can feel like an island. But it is crucial to really serve those communities. Also, I have found it helpful to find other leaders in the area you serve. I serve youth, and I know every Christian youth worker (for larger organizations, not churches) in the city I serve. Doing this, having lunch and breakfast, helps a lot as well. It was also pleasing to hear your wife was fully onboard as well. That's a pain that's not often talked about. The sacrifices wives have to make!
My wife is the MVP! For real. She’s the reason why people like us.
Connecting with other leaders in the area is great, but can come with challenges as you know. I haven’t found many leaders who want to live in and focus on an underserved urban community. Many either want to live elsewhere and commute in, or have very abstract notions of reaching “the city” which doesn’t mean anything at all. Sometimes these meetings make me feel even more isolated; I had to stop attending various pastor gatherings because the disconnect was just so strong.
I feel that and understand completely. It feels like your on a island more often than you like. I’ve also found there’s no real help for people with a heart for the community. Keep pressing. Fight the good fight! You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers!
Wonderful to read Kyu’s words here! Deeply challenging, thank you!!
This essay came in at the right time. I am in a very lonely space as I have moved internationally. You are giving me good pointers in this essay to embrace loneliness, and to start the slow work of relationship building. It is extremely disorienting. But it is a great opportunity that can be easily missed.
Joel, thank you for this honest comment. I’ve thought about you often in the last two weeks. While I don’t know you super well, I know enough to understand that your transition to GR must feel terribly isolating. In his essay, Lee first reasons from advice missionaries overseas have had to learn: you need to embrace shock and fully immerse yourself into the new culture, rather than slowing transitioning while relying on old structures of support. Sometimes we can do this by choice, other times we are forced to. Either way, I know you’re in for a painful season. I hope we will be able to connect in person at some point, but I’d be happy to connect virtually first this summer. Let me know.
Thank you for sharing your calling. It reminded me of the incarnation and God dwelling with us. May your joy in Christ be better than human comforts.
Appreciate your perspective! To be wholehearted in places of need is both lifegiving and deeply draining, and being proximate to people in pain gives you little room for the "carefree" escapism that so many of us live.
i remember going to prayer groups where the woman I was praying with was worried about her husband not getting into a crossfit group; mine was in a psych ward. I have also struggled with the wonderful and worthy "clean" product movements that seem to sweep through churches. While being healthy is good and removing toxins is a privilege that has its benefits, the emphasis on these lifestyles feels absolutely unrelatable for most people in the world. I had to leave a toxin party once when I considered the necessity of pumping my brain damaged husband full of seizure meds just to live through a day. These cultural mismatches that you are intentionally stepping away from will reap loneliness but also I'm sure a relatability and safety for your new community. Bearing witness to the broken and forgotten places will bring a sacrificial heaviness. Grateful for your willingness to be there in the midst. Praying for light hearts and great moments of family Joy.
Wow. If I understand your use of “toxin party” correctly, that’s such a vivid description for that dynamic in churches. That must have felt so painful and isolating to experience that disconnect.
In my commenting haste, I forgot that essential prefix for creating clarity. It was more of a "de-tox party"!! Where women gather and learn about the poisons in our lotions, soaps etc which is lovely & valid (I sounded too critical) but it just was sharp contrast to the powerlessness of need & the futility of wellness in the world of catastrophic illness.
I have lived in and served urban, inner city communities for over 10+ years now. Embracing loneliness is crucial. Often, it can feel like an island. But it is crucial to really serve those communities. Also, I have found it helpful to find other leaders in the area you serve. I serve youth, and I know every Christian youth worker (for larger organizations, not churches) in the city I serve. Doing this, having lunch and breakfast, helps a lot as well. It was also pleasing to hear your wife was fully onboard as well. That's a pain that's not often talked about. The sacrifices wives have to make!
My wife is the MVP! For real. She’s the reason why people like us.
Connecting with other leaders in the area is great, but can come with challenges as you know. I haven’t found many leaders who want to live in and focus on an underserved urban community. Many either want to live elsewhere and commute in, or have very abstract notions of reaching “the city” which doesn’t mean anything at all. Sometimes these meetings make me feel even more isolated; I had to stop attending various pastor gatherings because the disconnect was just so strong.
I feel that and understand completely. It feels like your on a island more often than you like. I’ve also found there’s no real help for people with a heart for the community. Keep pressing. Fight the good fight! You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers!